Social Media and the DOUCHEBAGERRY that comes with it has managed to influence my new post. How many times do you honestly read something on bbm, twitter or facebook and just feel like punching someone in the armpit ( Well not really but a heightened sense of displeasure). Undergraduate and High school twitter and facebook are filled with status updates of the most happening Pop song, crushes on some actor who plays a Vampire in a high-end suburb or tonnes of pictures in nightclubs.
YES, I AM SINGLE COZ I HATE LADY GAGA….. Really? REALLY???
Post-grad Facebook, meanwhile, is a wasteland of baby pictures, puppy pictures, statuses about getting to eat cake at work, pictures of food that people cooked themselves for dinner, etc.
The truth is I actually DO NOT CARE about what food you made or how amazing the scallops are at your favourite restaurant. This new found passion for food is what leads to a massive weight gain that works in tandem with the inevitable slow down in metabolism. If we are real friends, we should actually tell each other the truth. E.g “Wow you’ve gotten big! All that food you’ve been taking pictures of must be delicious!”
All these social networking injustices have led me to compile a list of things I feel we should refrain from doing.
My TOP 5 Social Networking DON’TS… (yes, with actual examples)
1. The person whose love life is better than anyone’s in the history of being in love EVER!!
This thing of flooding our newsfeeds, timelines and bbm updates with how in love you are with your better half has to stop. I am all for you expressing your love and becoming a better person because of the influence of your partner but BY GEORGE MAN!!!!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH !!!
Its only been 30 minutes and I miss you already.
2. The Guy Who is Really Optimistic But Totally Shouldn’t Be.
This guy has several useless degrees (and presumably a mountain of debt), is thirty, single, and until about five months ago was a team leader at a call center. I’m not against being optimistic, in fact I despise pessimists, but man does this guy’s Facebook just scream, “I SWEAR TO GOD I’M HAPPY AND WILL CONVINCE YOU AND IN THE PROCESS MYSELF OF SUCH.” There are about six of those a day. But who knows, maybe I’m just an asshole (okay I am).
The big 3-0 tomorrow has me feeling very reflective. I wish I had done more with my 20′s.
3. The Angry female who hides behind neo feminism but just can’t seem to get married.
There is a fine line between feminism and being a wet blanket for everyone. We honestly are tired of reading your views of how a man should treat a woman and how you wouldn’t tolerate that if you were her. You are not her and you don’t have him. Mixes all that stuff with motivational tweets about uplifting the female race and lord knows what else you want to achieve. This kid of person probably needs to meet person 2 on the list and have little emo/gothic kids that will end up shooting up a highschool .
4. Formerly Hot Girl Who Got Married, Put on Some Weight, and Will in All Likelihood be Wrecked Forever by Her First Baby but still believes she still got it.
People keep telling me I look great today, but I’m so fat!” “This picture of me is horrible, but thanks for all the compliments!
5. The Bloke who thinks he has been to every part of the world.
This is probably the worst person on the internet. They feel the urge to let everyone know how they can afford to be on a plane every so often. Most likely the same person who wants to let us all know how well off they are and how they pay an extra couple of cents for coffee because they can.
I’d be lying if I said that these people don’t entertain me though. It’s not a good sort of entertainment, don’t get me wrong, it’s very much a sad and guilty one. But entertainment nonetheless. So tweet, facebook, instagram and bbm away. Their lack of self-awareness or their transparent attempts at wanting to be interesting/have something to say is exactly the reason why I am blogging. So thank you!!!
Over n’ Out.