In my time on God‘s green earth, I have found myself in situations that could have been avoided provided effective communication techniques were adopted. Unfortunately, emotions make all these wonderful theories seem stupid in the heat of the moment.
Communication is key to every successful relationship, but it can take time for two people to learn to communicate effectively. Typically, as a dating relationship progresses, the need for communicating effectively becomes more significant. A woman often finds that communicating with a man is difficult. There are a few things to keep in mind that can make communicating with your boyfriend/girlfriend – and others – easier.
First, recognize that men and women often have different ways of communicating. Women tend to want to explore a range of different feelings and opinions on most matters. Most men prefer for things to be kept simple. Some men do not see the need for communication unless there is a problem that needs to be fixed or an action that needs to be taken. The simple discussion of feelings or opinions is not easy for many men.
In my many chats with the lads at the office, I asked candidly this one guy how his Mrs was doing. His response is what inspired this blog entry actually.
As he showed me her picture, he said the five best words I have ever heard to describe a relationship that is working – at least from a man’s perspective, “She makes every day better.”
It doesn’t get any simpler than that. I’ve heard men talk about relationships and girlfriends, what they like and don’t like, what they want and don’t want, what drives them nuts, and even what hurts them. But, I’ve never heard it put better than those five words. I was in absolute awe as I now started picking his brain. I was genuinely intrigued and needed to find out his secret. And boy did I find out. He laid it down and then I further deciphered it all in a list of things a woman should stick to. Almost a what-not-to-do-list for women who want to put an end to a relationship…. I focused on the female perspective because it was a guy to guy chat. Soweeeeee….
#1 – Don’t learn what emotional intimacy is.
Forget what psychologist Malini Shah says, “Emotional intimacy is a feeling of close personal association and belonging. It’s a familiar connect formed through shared knowledge of each other and experience.” <—- Google’d this … That would mean taking the time to find a man with whom you can build trust and be yourself. Worst of all it would mean not just accepting him for who he is, but celebrating who he is.
#2 – Don’t respect him.
Even if he deserves your respect, do not, under any circumstances show him the kind of respect you want and need. Don’t value him. Don’t listen. Don’t consider his priorities or concerns. Make sure he feels your life would be much better if he weren’t in it. On the other hand, if he truly doesn’t deserve your respect, leave him. Leave him now. And if he doesn’t respect you then he doesn’t deserve yours. Again, leave.
#3 – Don’t like him.
Sure, you love him, but do you like him? Never forget he’s probably closer to you than anyone else in his life so it’s your responsibility to make sure he doesn’t get out of line. If you want to make sure he’s unhappy and dwindling away inside, show him you don’t like him.
#4 – Complain about him.
Believe it or not (and lots of men will get mad at me for revealing this to you) most of us look to the women in our lives, or the woman closest to us, to determine how we feel about ourselves. Make sure he knows you are keeping score against him by openly expecting him to screw up. Tell all your friends what a loser he is and never, ever genuinely praise him.
#5 – Judge him.
If you want him to stop being open and honest, or if you just want him to start hiding things from you, make sure you judge him negatively every chance you get. If you can’t find anything negative that is even remotely valid, just make something up. Do anything to keep him on the defensive. Remember, every day brings new opportunities to find new faults in him.
#6 – Don’t trust him.
He’s a guy right…Lol… – don’t trust him – no matter how trustworthy, honest, reliable or loyal he actually proves himself to be. Of course, if he truly can’t or shouldn’t be trusted, leave the jerk. No excuses. You will never have emotional intimacy if there is no chance of mutual trust.
#7 – Blame him.
If you got a speeding ticket, blame him. If your last boyfriend treated you badly, blame him. If you, blame him. Take all your anger, frustration, fears and insecurities and place them squarely on the doorstep of his life. Whatever negative feelings or experiences you are having, he should be punished for it.
#8 – Stay angry.
He’s a guy. He must have done something wrong. Even if you don’t know what it is, it still pisses you off. You don’t need to know exactly when or what he did whatever it is, he definitely did it. Save time and get angry now. Then, stay angry . . . because there’s no end to the ways he’s messed up with . . . something. Hell hath no fury like woman scorned or not…
#9 – Don’t be reliable.
Make sure he knows that you are not there for him no matter how badly he may need you. That way he will know never to rely on you for anything. If you are the one person he wants to call when something really bad, or really good, happens don’t be available or interested.
#10 – Don’t get help.
You’ve been through a lot, a lot of pain, a lot that isn’t fair, a lot of horrible stuff that has wounded you. Sometimes you feel broken. Whatever you do, don’t try to effectively heal your wounds in any way. Don’t go to therapy. Don’t apply what you’ve learned in self-help books( No like really, DONT). Don’t explore faith our spirituality. Don’t ever look back at the injustices done to you or the wrong choices you’ve made and deal with them. Do whatever you can to simply mask the pain or push it down.
#11 – Don’t take responsibility.
Never apologize. Never ever admit that something you have done may have hurt him. Just live as though you are incapable of hurting him, no matter how badly you do. Don’t forget, this relationship is about you and healing your pain. His is irrelevant.
So there you have it… 11 steps to effectively ruin your man and relationship. However, if you are not someone who follows the latest trends then just do the opposite of all this. Find a man who wants to make your every day better and do the same for him.
This is probably the most fun I have had blogging in a while.. Thank you and happy communicating.