Over n’ Out
Social Media and the DOUCHEBAGERRY that comes with it has managed to influence my new post. How many times do you honestly read something on bbm, twitter or facebook and just feel like punching someone in the armpit ( Well not really but a heightened sense of displeasure). Undergraduate and High school twitter and facebook are filled with status updates of the most happening Pop song, crushes on some actor who plays a Vampire in a high-end suburb or tonnes of pictures in nightclubs.
YES, I AM SINGLE COZ I HATE LADY GAGA….. Really? REALLY???
Post-grad Facebook, meanwhile, is a wasteland of baby pictures, puppy pictures, statuses about getting to eat cake at work, pictures of food that people cooked themselves for dinner, etc.
The truth is I actually DO NOT CARE about what food you made or how amazing the scallops are at your favourite restaurant. This new found passion for food is what leads to a massive weight gain that works in tandem with the inevitable slow down in metabolism. If we are real friends, we should actually tell each other the truth. E.g “Wow you’ve gotten big! All that food you’ve been taking pictures of must be delicious!”
All these social networking injustices have led me to compile a list of things I feel we should refrain from doing.
My TOP 5 Social Networking DON’TS… (yes, with actual examples)
1. The person whose love life is better than anyone’s in the history of being in love EVER!!
This thing of flooding our newsfeeds, timelines and bbm updates with how in love you are with your better half has to stop. I am all for you expressing your love and becoming a better person because of the influence of your partner but BY GEORGE MAN!!!!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH !!!
Its only been 30 minutes and I miss you already.
2. The Guy Who is Really Optimistic But Totally Shouldn’t Be.
This guy has several useless degrees (and presumably a mountain of debt), is thirty, single, and until about five months ago was a team leader at a call center. I’m not against being optimistic, in fact I despise pessimists, but man does this guy’s Facebook just scream, “I SWEAR TO GOD I’M HAPPY AND WILL CONVINCE YOU AND IN THE PROCESS MYSELF OF SUCH.” There are about six of those a day. But who knows, maybe I’m just an asshole (okay I am).
The big 3-0 tomorrow has me feeling very reflective. I wish I had done more with my 20′s.
3. The Angry female who hides behind neo feminism but just can’t seem to get married.
There is a fine line between feminism and being a wet blanket for everyone. We honestly are tired of reading your views of how a man should treat a woman and how you wouldn’t tolerate that if you were her. You are not her and you don’t have him. Mixes all that stuff with motivational tweets about uplifting the female race and lord knows what else you want to achieve. This kid of person probably needs to meet person 2 on the list and have little emo/gothic kids that will end up shooting up a highschool .
4. Formerly Hot Girl Who Got Married, Put on Some Weight, and Will in All Likelihood be Wrecked Forever by Her First Baby but still believes she still got it.
People keep telling me I look great today, but I’m so fat!” “This picture of me is horrible, but thanks for all the compliments!
5. The Bloke who thinks he has been to every part of the world.
This is probably the worst person on the internet. They feel the urge to let everyone know how they can afford to be on a plane every so often. Most likely the same person who wants to let us all know how well off they are and how they pay an extra couple of cents for coffee because they can.
I’d be lying if I said that these people don’t entertain me though. It’s not a good sort of entertainment, don’t get me wrong, it’s very much a sad and guilty one. But entertainment nonetheless. So tweet, facebook, instagram and bbm away. Their lack of self-awareness or their transparent attempts at wanting to be interesting/have something to say is exactly the reason why I am blogging. So thank you!!!
Over n’ Out.
I am going to share a little story with you all that is as random and different from anything I would normally blog about as possible. It’s exactly what we need sometimes in our lives.. Spontaneity
…For the sake of protecting the identities of the parties involved, we have changed their names .
Nina and Alessandro are work colleagues that decided on this day to go home together from work.
- Nina and Alessandro were wondering why Douglas came and decided to park the vehicle as he was supposed to be their ride from work. Douglas decided to alight from the vehicle. This was meant to be a routine pick up.
- Douglas then informed Nina and Alessandro that his random friend would be the source of transportation. Like clock work his friend arrived sporting an alcoholic beverage in his hand. Douglas informs everyone that they have to pick up another vehicle. At this juncture, the levels of concern went up. *the random wheel slowly started turning*
- Douglas’ friend then proceeds to drive to the destination of the vehicle still holding his alcoholic beverage as though the antidote to his woes was contained in it.
The Main Story…….
- Douglas (who is the protagonist ) urges on his friend at the wheel and gives directions of how to get to the mystery destination. Meandering and navigating through roads that seem like they are mushroomed by the Jacaranda tree. In short, it was dark as
- The story took an odd turn when the driver of the vehicle asked Douglas in a very soft tone to change the gear for him while he consumed his beverage at the traffic lights. Nina and Alessandro looked at each other in sheer shock and fought back looks that collectively said “Le sigh! We might just get raped and dismembered” . *The random wheel is really spinning now* This is some twilight zone stuff.
- “Locating” the other vehicle proved to be an adventure in itself and from the phone conversation Douglas was having. Douglas’ brother was on the other side of the conversation. Douglas screamed out on the phone, “give me 30 seconds and I will be there”. The driver whom at this point was sensationally inebriated was on a call of his own and said,”Give me 2,3,20 minutes”
- As Douglas continues with his conversation, the driver then decides to point out the former first lady’s house to everyone else in the car. Douglas snaps the driver out of the tour-mode so he can get them to the other car quickly. Nina and Alessandro are just about freaking the
fxckout now. The driver makes it very clear that the people in the car are not appreciating his skills are a tour guide. Nina sarcastically agrees with the driver to keep him quiet.
- The driver safely drops off everyone at the “car destination” letting them know that he thinks it all looks dodgy and they will be killed. Everyone doesn’t respond as this is actually starting to look like a scene from a bad horror movie.
- Alessandro and Nina hold back as they watch Douglas’ brother shift things from one car to another explaining that he is being followed and that his phone line is not secure. He further explains every object as he shifts them the empty water cooler bottles ( “These are meant to be full with water but didn’t get round to doing it”) , the dispenser (“it’s for the house. It’s for MY HOUSE”) . He makes a spectacular fuss about some cash in the car . Alessandro and Nina fail to understand his concern exactly but shift their concerns to why exactly there are two cars on the side of the road and which of them will be taking them home.
- The three original members of the story are in the car finally heading home. Nina comments on the weird but nice-ish music playing in the car. Alessandro goes on to say, “It sounds like… sounds like its Jewish“. Nina adds,”yeah, it sounds country almost” … The light bulb effect… ” Its Jewish Country music“, they both exclaim as they burst into laughter.
What was meant to be a routine 14 and half-minute ride home turned out to be an hour and half experience. Just goes to show that life is really about the random things that happen. Embrace them and live outside the box sometimes.
Over n’ Out
DISCLAIMER: The author of this blog does not encourage drinking and driving.
This particularly song comes from an era when music really was an accurate reflection of life. When strings,trumpets and raw emotion all came together on one melody to paint a picture. The focus will be on a song that has captured my heart and imagination for quite sometime now. This version employs the talents of Mr Harry Connick Jr.
Harry Connick Jr doing what he does best with a song that really needs no introduction. There have been several renditions of this masterpiece but this stands out for me not only because Harry is the closest version of Sinatra we will ever get but because he is undoubtedly one of the last crooners of this generation . Nat King Cole brought the song to life, Sinatra made it mainstream, Billie added her touch to it and Rod Stewart delivered a very smooth version for this generation.
I do not care how hard-core you think you are but when you are smitten and find yourself flicking through pictures of your better half, fighting a smile then this song is talking to you. When someone is in love, the object of their affection is constantly on their mind, they’ll want to hold onto that thought for as long as possible on a day-to-day basis. Embrace that feeling and never let go of it.
Mario Puzo – “Falling in love is great but being in love is a disaster”